2004-04-28 [Cougar]: stories of survival

2004-04-28 [Guardian of the Night]: Maybe I should put my stories in there......

2004-04-28 [Cougar]: go right on ahead.

2004-04-28 [Paul Doyle]: Thanks, [Cougar]. I have your wiki on "watch", and have added a couple comments there :)

2004-04-28 [Cougar]: ^-^ mk

2004-04-28 [Guardian of the Night]: Yes, but which storie do I put?

2004-04-28 [Cougar]: you can put all of them if you want.... i am thinking that after a while i am going to put each story on a wiki page and lick the page to that central wiki.

2004-04-28 [Guardian of the Night]: But, I have been raped four times, tourtered, and nearly killed, along with aome of my best friends suicide. So which one do you preferr?

2004-04-28 [Guardian of the Night]: But, I have been raped four times, tourtered, and nearly killed, along with aome of my best friends suicide. So which one do you preferr?

2004-04-28 [Cougar]: it's for what ever you want. mainly for suicide survivors but i dont really mind what you put.

2004-04-28 [Guardian of the Night]: Oh, well, then. I have tried suicide, but, I guess I will put nothing...

2004-04-28 [Cougar]: you can put what kept you alive from suicide or how you are now. *smiles helplessly* i ain't gonna bite ya.

2004-04-28 [Paul Doyle]: one caveat here---a person cannot go public unless they are ready to, which is best left to the person (I'm talking about anyone) to determine on their own time.

2004-04-28 [Guardian of the Night]: Yes, but I don't know. I wouldn't know what to write. Well, people could just read my diary...

2004-04-30 [Darkside Of Ambition]: i just wanted to say thank you to all of you. i am suicidle and i do cut. and it means a lot to me, and im sure to everyone like myself that people are here to help.

2004-04-30 [Yuriona]: No matter how dark it may seem, remember there is always someone here that cares and wants to listen.

2004-05-01 [TheRogue]: being suicidal..and cutting.. it is almost comparable to alcoholism.. you get on the wagon for a time.. and fall back down, and need people to help hold you up in your time of need...I hope this at least does something to that effect in this wiki...

2004-05-01 [dragongirl005]: i'm glad theres peoples who care

2004-05-04 [Love Is Just A Catchphrase]: thanks everyone

2004-05-09 [Sheona]: I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. I've added my name to the list of people that you can contact if you need someone to talk to. I think this wiki has a very strong message to it. Perhaps the mesage should be sread a little more?

2004-05-11 [Weedy]: dragongirl005<<< its hard not to care if you have tried it yourself... or at least i feel that way

2004-05-11 [Jeesum Crowe]: it's hard not to care no matter what.

2004-05-11 [Sheona]: Very true, but alot of people can appear very unsympathetic (the professionals, mainly). And it;s nice to have someone that not only cares but understands, too.

2004-05-12 [Weedy]: Sheona<< but the professionals has been taught to keep a distance so they are able to stay objective which i think can be good sometimes.... and some serious crap if what the patient really needs is sympathy and the feeling that somone cares

2004-05-12 [Sheona]: The professionals do more than keep a distance, and I know this through personal experience. They try to fit you into a textbook case, and even tell you what your feeling. The diagnosis is often wrong, too. I had one psychiatrist tell me that I was a drug addict, and that was my only problem. Great diagnosis...except that I don't take drugs at all. Obviously, being beaten and raped didn't have any bearing on what was wrong with me...

2004-05-12 [Jeesum Crowe]: mine was cool. He asked me why I did and I said "I felt like I could let everything bad bleed out of me, and be gone forever down some drain." and he said I was poetic and prescribed Paxil.

2004-05-12 [Weedy]: Sheona<< i have been through it all too... i had six who was fucked up and diagnoses ranging from schizophrenia to mania-depressiv.... the real problem was a combination of extreamly low self esteem and megalomania which had caused a depression

2004-05-12 [Sheona]: Some professionals are very good at their job, but alot are not. Psychiatrists are well known for their poor treatment and diagnosis of people. That's why I want to train as a counsellor. Because I beleive people deserve better.

2004-05-15 [Erinnn]: i no what im going throug probably doesnt compare to any of your problems and thoughts but i dont think i can live another day being put down and put down by my family and the ones i used to hold so dear ive tried to hang myself ive been cutting for the past 4 yers and its come so close now and i dont no what to do

2004-05-15 [Jeesum Crowe]: Best thing I found was to find someone you trust who is NOT in your family, and go to them and ask them to help you, ask them to take you to someone you know can help you ( a guidance counselor, etc) and then bring the person with you and get some help. That's what helped me

2004-05-15 [Erinnn]: i cant get through this my mother beats me untill im black and blue and im ashamed of telling any of my so called friends they all ignore me i have to now buy everything for myself including my fod i have to pay to stay in my house and i only work after school getting paid minimum wage i cant do this im going to starve to deth anyway i dont no wot to do

2004-05-15 [Jeesum Crowe]: it doesn't matter if you don't think that one of your friends is going to want to help you, the point is if you don't try to get someone there's never going to be anyone there, so find someone near to you, or call 1-800-SUICIDE whatever you need to do but do it as soon as possible because the first thing you always need to do is get help from someone you know can really help you. Anybody at all who will be able to help you, you need to go to them. If you need to, or if you think it's appropriate, you can call the Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline @ 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

2004-05-15 [Erinnn]: i live in the uk im out of range for all of those numbers

2004-05-15 [Sylvia Rote]: you can always call the police or Child Services. they will get you out of an a buse or dangerous home and put you somewhere safe.

2004-05-15 [Jeesum Crowe]: or try 0800 1111 it's Childline, a free helpline for "abused children and young people in the UK"

2004-05-15 [Sheona]: First of all, don't ever think your problems are any less severe or less important than those of anyone else. They obviously affect you, and that's all that matters. Secondly, your relationship with your mother sounds very familiar. My mother used to do exactly the same to me, eventually resulting in her kicking me out when I was 17. It is difficult to stand up to someone who is meant to be close to you and protect you. I personally would never have been capable of contacting the police or child services. I also know that there isn't always someone you can go to. If you don't tell a close friend, who are you meant to tell?

2004-05-15 [Sheona]: Normally, my first piece of advice would be to go see your GP because they can refer you to a counsellor etc. However, I also live in the UK and I know a few of the services you can get in touch with directly. On the NHS, you often have to wait over 6 months before your initial consultation with a counsellor, but there are charities available that will give you an appointment immediately and, most importantly, for free. That way no one would ever have to know if you didn't want to tell them. If you're interested, send me a private message and I will give you some contact details for organisations within the UK that you can contact.

2004-05-15 [Sheona]: I also recommend that you visit the http://www.seemescotland.org website. I realise that it's based in Scotland, but it does give some very useful information on illnesses such as depression and can provide links to sources on depression, self harm, and a number of contact details across the UK that you may find useful.

2004-05-16 [Erinnn]: thank you for all your help i really and truly apreciate it

2004-05-16 [Sheona]: No problem. And remember that you can mail me anytime ^_^

2004-05-17 [Erinnn]: it will always be one of my first prioreties

2004-05-17 [Sheona]: I'm glad. Take care, and let us know how you're getting on from time to time. I expect regular updates! Lol.

2004-05-18 [Cati Stormweaver]: i dont know if im suppose to put this here, i stopped cutting myself because my depression lifted, but now after something happened, im about ready to take the knife back up, im already pouring hot wax on myself, and today i was riding my bike down the street, toward a busy road, and wondering if i should stop...

2004-05-18 [Cati Stormweaver]: i dont really have any friends to talk to, and if i tell my parents all they'll do is yell at me...

2004-05-18 [Sylvia Rote]: well, we all listen to you if you ever want to just let your thoughts out.

2004-05-18 [Weedy]: its totally allright you write about it here....... i will listen as well... and i can try to give you some advice.....

2004-05-18 [Sheona]: I can relate to how you feel very well. I stopped cutting, but after a friend was murdered I was very close to starting it up again. In my mind, if I wasn't cutting I didn't have a problem, so I ended up self-harming in other ways instead. In the end, cutting (or any type of self-harm) is an addiction. You need support and will power to overcome it. If your family won't understand, perhaps you should try talking to a friend instead. I know how much you want to start again, but believe me when I say it will only make things harder. Try to find other ways of coping. If you really have to, smash a glass every time you feel like self-harming. At least that way you aren't internalising it.

2004-05-18 [Sheona]: I personally find that writing it down helps. It could be in poetry, or in the form of a letter or a diary...anything you want. And of course you can always talk to anyone here. I always found that talking to people who actually understood really helped me. Hopefully it will help you too.

2004-05-18 [Cati Stormweaver]: well, i do have one friend who used to be suicidal, he told me he almost killed himself once, im really glad he didnt though, but im pretty sure he got over it, maybe i could talk to him

2004-05-18 [Sheona]: He sounds like the perfect person to talk to. People who have been through it themselves will always be able to understand easier. If he got over it, that's even better. It shows you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel "excuse the really awful cliche). Most people react with horror when they find out that you self-harm, but a friend like that won't. I hope your chat with him goes well. ^_^

2004-05-18 [Cati Stormweaver]: When i was in study hall, he'd sit by me everyday, and i would cut myself all the time then, he looked at my hand, that was like covered in scratchs and cuts from me cutting myself, he pointed at it said that my cat was mean, and so i told him that i had been cutting myself, he just went oh, then went on with another topic

2004-05-18 [Sheona]: I personally wouldn't want to force someone to talk about something like that. I would wait until they came to me about it. Having gone through emotional problems himself, he will probably understand this sentiment. It's a difficult subject to bring up, especially when you're scared you'll unknowingly distress that person. There's no harm in trying to talk to him. You might just be pleasantly suprised.

2004-05-18 [Cati Stormweaver]: and hes the reason i havent killed myself yet, hes the one im living for

2004-05-18 [Sheona]: *smiles* You're very lucky to have someone like that. Perhaps you should take the time to tell him that. Take a little look at When I die.... You'll see what I mean. Tell him how important his friendship is to you.

2004-05-19 [Cati Stormweaver]: well, i guess his friendship is real important to me, everytime i get to the point where i hold i knife to my wrist, i was worried that our friendship was ruined,

2004-05-19 [Sheona]: Then tell him straight out how important your friendship is! And have a good long talk with him. It's good to know that you have someone to turn to.

2004-05-19 [Cati Stormweaver]: omg, i feel so much better ^^

2004-05-19 [Sheona]: Really? I'm glad. Drop by soon and let us know how you're doing! I'm glad we could help.

2004-05-19 [Cati Stormweaver]: i will ^^

2004-05-19 [Jack of all trades]: hi mind if i join yall

2004-05-19 [Sheona]: Not at all ^_^

2004-05-21 [Erinnn]: just thought i would tell you all how things are going ummm im doing a bit better emotianally but im not sure bout the cuts on my arms does anyone know of n e thing that help things heal?   n e way my mum isnt n e beter and i dont think thing will ever turn out the way i want it to but i guess thats just life, my dad no longer wants me but ive come to realize that all the pain will be over and gone in a few years and thats what i will be longing for

2004-05-21 [Sheona]: Good to hear from you ^_^ About your cuts, it depends on how recent the cuts are. If they're still open wounds, there's little you can do. However, I've found that moisturising does help the scars to heal and fade quicker. I also use to use makeup to make them less obvious. I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your parents. Unfortunately, you may just have to wait until you can get out on your own. That's what I did, and it was well worth it!

2004-05-21 [Jeesum Crowe]: Yeah, moisurizing sounds good (WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS HEALING?!?!?!?! I used to just wear oodles of long sleeves until they were completely healed... >.> I wish someone told me that, lol)

2004-05-21 [hanhepi]: there is some stuff called neosporin. it is a tripple antibiotic ointment that helps stuff heal quickly. if the cuts are shallow it would be good to use. if the cuts are kind of deep it would be a bad thing because the top (surface) of the wound will heal over before the deeper parts, which can lead to really bad stuff. the plant comphrey will help shallow wounds heal also. bruise a leaf and lay it on the wound.

2004-05-22 [Yuriona]: Deeper cuts you should keep clean for sure and possibly loosely bandage them with gauze strips. You can get paper stick on sutures at most drug stores now that will help them heal quickly with minimal scarring. Don't use those tensor bandages though...if the bandage is too tight it will restrict the blood flow in your arm and nothing will heal properly. Try petroleum jelly (or vaseline) to help moisturize your cuts...store bought mosturisers have perfumes and dyes that could irritate things and impede the healing process. Also, don't keep the cuts banadaged all the time. Taking off bandages and letting the air at them a bit everyday also helps. :D Hope I helped a bit.

2004-05-22 [Yuriona]: *hugs punk-distiller* Glad to hear you're feeling better. Just hang in there...it'll be a bumpy ride but you can get through it! Go girl!! :D

2004-05-22 [eyes of frost]: my mother thought it was funny to try to have me committed last night...screams at the wall

2004-05-22 [Sheona]: I have to be honest and say that I used to wear lots of long sleeves. I was incredibly paranoid that someone would notice. The problem was that I would never let them heal. That was part of the self-harming for me.

2004-05-24 [eyes of frost]: My mother wonders why i say and do the things i do and then thinks im wrong. I cut becuase i dont know anything else....its like there is no one to talk to anymore that will just keep what you tell them to themselves...yells at the wall

2004-05-27 [Sheona]: I know what that's like. I used to cut because I didn't know any other way to cope. I somehow needed to release everything I was feeling, and nothing could release it enough. It took me a while to be able to manage without, although I still occassionally get urges to cut. Sometimes you'll be suprised about who you really can trust with your problems.

2004-05-27 [eyes of frost]: amazingly i cant trust my mother or anyone else around me. They think im crazy....

2004-05-28 [Kelaria]: I had stopped cutting for a while, but last night (wednesday night 5/26/04) I cut myself again... I just wanted to forget everything else... I was really depressed...

2004-05-28 [Ironballs "the Preposterous One"]: Do you remember what I told you on yahoo, Nancy? ... I'm going to put it on my house I think...

2004-05-28 [Ironballs "the Preposterous One"]: So you'll always remember...

2004-05-28 [Ironballs "the Preposterous One"]: I thought about it for a long time after I told you... and it has helped me decide how I feel about my friends cutting... the ones I truly care for... you...

2004-05-29 [Erinnn]: i cut because there is alot of pain inside me and for me to be in pain on the outside takes away the pain from inside i kind of numbs it out. Well any way my mother stopped talking to me so everything is going great i just hope she doesnt start tlking to me anytime soon

2004-05-29 [Cathos]: I've had a depression problem for years, mainly because this body is falling apart around me. I see no need to cut, I'm in enough physical pain already.

2004-05-29 [Cougar]: Guess i am sorta a healthy cutter. I use the same technique just in a different manner. When i have too much internal strife i put on my head phones and go outside and walk myself into the ground. My mother wondered why i do it. Now she knows it's b/c i am stressed. *laughs* hey i lost a lot of wieght from the excersize and it beats numbing my self to the world with fantisy books and television.(i always eat when i read and when i watch tv)

2004-05-29 [Cathos]: *grin* I just have to stand up for over half an hour!

2004-05-29 [Cougar]: *smiles and hugs cathos* i may not have back pain all the time but it's a very common thing in my house hold. I feel your pain...

2004-05-29 [Cathos]: Sometimes, I can hear all my joints creaking! I want my old body back! The one I had when I was seven and under. That body liked me!

2004-05-29 [Cougar]: *laughs* I know the feeling and i ain't an old timer yet! i shudder to think of what i will be like when i am.

2004-05-29 [Cathos]: I know! I'm only nineteen and I'm using pain relief lotion like hand cream! Surely that can't be good.

2004-05-29 [Cougar]: ^0^ well looks like i am not so alone after all

2004-05-29 [Cathos]: At least you can digest stuff! My body has a chronic dislike of anything vaguely food related. The secret to being skinny is to have a body that doesn't make enzymes to any great extent. Btw, loads of people have really bad joint pain. Its just not something that usually comes up into conversation.

2004-05-29 [Cougar]: *laughs* yeah but cronic joint pain isn't normal. I thankfully donnot have that. i am grateful that i am very healthy.

2004-05-29 [Cathos]: I'm always grateful that I'm no worse than I am, because I know at some point in the future, I will be and I'd better enjoy myself while I can.

2004-05-29 [Cougar]: *nods* good state of mind to be in. even if you have an average boy

2004-05-29 [Cougar]: *nods* good state of mind to be in. even if you have an average body

2004-05-29 [Jeesum Crowe]: I have IBS! Wow! Isn't that fun. If I eat too much or certain foods or not at all or sometimes for no reason my stomach hurts a whole lot! This is why I often miss school. Do I seem unusually peppy about this to you?! Because I do to me...

2004-05-30 [Cathos]: I have a little man that lives in my stomch and likes to sharpen a big knife on my intestines.

2004-05-30 [Jeesum Crowe]: Ow.... that would be weird to have a little man live in your stomach...

2004-05-30 [Cathos]: Hes not a real little man, thats just how I explain it to people when I suddenly double up in pain.

2004-05-30 [Jeesum Crowe]: I know, but if he was real, that would be weird

2004-06-01 [eyes of frost]: hello all....hides in the dark and watches everyone...

2004-06-01 [Cathos]: Theres an old Roald Dahl poem about a person who lives in a little girls tummy and demands food all the time making her fat. Her mother thinks shes just greedy until the tummy person talks to her and she faints. Hello [eyes of frost].

2004-06-01 [SeLoCeS]: ronald dahl writes some amazing stuff

2004-06-01 [Jeesum Crowe]: This place got on the Wiki Awards, BTW.

2004-06-01 [adnihilo]: it definitely deserves an award!

2004-06-01 [Jeesum Crowe]: oh, so yeah.

2004-06-05 [Sheona]: I've just been catching up on all the comments. Wow, this place is suddenly loads more active! About the painful joints stuff, I understand that all too well! I'm only 20, and I have terrible problems. I also have a back condition. Eep! I do NOT handle pain well! I'm not sure about having people in my tummy though... :s

2004-06-05 [Sheona]: And hello to [eyes of frost] ^_^

2004-06-05 [Janouk]: Hey, I've asked for advice some comments earlier (quite some) I wanted to thank you again, it was of great help. The problem still isn't solved, but I know what to do now and it's getting better. I won't recall what my problem was, 'cause that's not why I was wriring here. I saw this quote somewhere, and it reminded me of this wiki (I think of this wiki anyhow, but just...)

2004-06-05 [Janouk]: (I hope it's not giving bad ideas to someone, say if it does and I'll edit: Razors pain you, rivers are damp, acids stain you and drugs cause cramp, guns aren't lawful, nooses give, gas smells awful - you might as well live. (I just found it was special)

2004-06-06 [Sheona]: Hee hee. It's actually quite a funny little quote, but at the same time it's very true. I'm glad things are slowly getting better for you. It's never easy., and it does take time. But you can always come back here ^_^

2004-06-06 [xAcidxDesirex]: Janouk, that is funny true and very applicable...

2004-06-10 [Erinnn]: hey everybody just a quick hello

2004-06-10 [Cathos]: Hullo back to you. :)

2004-06-13 [Jimbaliah]: Hi.

2004-06-13 [eyes of frost]: good evening...*climbs back onto the rafters*

2004-06-13 [Jimbaliah]: Okay...

2004-06-13 [eyes of frost]: my mother is making me angry tonight, so i think it best to stay away from everyone.

2004-06-13 [Jimbaliah]: Oh.

2004-06-13 [eyes of frost]: *starts to hum familiar lully to herself*

2004-06-13 [Erinnn]: *hides under sofa* no one will find me here

2004-06-14 [Sirfy]: I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this, my myself and the people at Counselors of Elftown will gladly help. I have contemplated suicide a few times before and have had friends who have as well. (I'm the one who helped them through)

2004-06-14 [Nickademus]: everyone just needs to remember TOUGH TIMES DONT LAST, TOUGH PEOPLE DO! and i believe we are all tough enuough

2004-06-14 [Cathos]: It certainly doesn't feel like that sometimes. :(

2004-06-14 [Yuriona]: *hugs Cathos* No it doesn't but ya gotta believe that tomorrow will be better. Just hang in there...you can do it!

2004-06-14 [Cathos]: Nope, tomorrow will be worse, all the way up to Friday when we cremate my granddad. I have to to a reading and I don't think I'm going to be able to at this rate. *hugs back*

2004-06-14 [Jeesum Crowe]: Everything's OK. I lost my granddad, and it was horrible. I lost my uncle too, and it devastated me to see my family just literally choke up. But I don't think about it now. Later on, you won't think about it all the time unless it comes up, nothing's ever so bad you think about it forever and on, so you can always be happy. Just a little bit later. That's what I think.

2004-06-14 [Yuriona]: I've lost two grandmas and a grandpa and it never gets easier. The thought that they are at peace and in a better place helped a lot. My one grandma was like my mom so it was really hard to lose her but I know she still there watching over me and as long as she's in my heart and my thoughts, she's never really gone. It will be ok...your granddad will always be with you. Love doesn't end when life does. Trust me. ;) *hugs*

2004-06-14 [Cathos]: I suppose it doesn't help that I'm having to move all my stuff out of my college room. That always depresses me. He deid after quite a short illness. Spine cancer and septicemia (sp?). If I hadn't been home the weekend before last, I'd never have been able to say goodbye. :(

2004-06-14 [Yuriona]: But you did say goodbye and that is a good thing. We lost an uncle on my husband's side after a 6 month bout with pancreatic cancer - it was very sudden and he was only in his early sixties. I understand what a rough time it must have been for all of you. Moving always sucks. :(

2004-06-14 [Cathos]: I live away from my family at University, so its harder when we have a family crisis like this. I'll never forget his laugh. :) My freinds and I used to sit in the dressing rooms when we were off-stage and wonder if the play was moving along all right. If we heard him chuckling, we knew everything was OK.

2004-06-14 [Yuriona]: That's an awesome memory! Remember all the good times you had together, it'll help you get through the rough times.

2004-06-14 [Cathos]: He had that kind of infectious laugh that got the rest of the audience going as well. I've just ordered a copy of the "best of the wombles" from amazon. It was his favourite and Granny wants it played as we go out of the church. She "accidentally" left his copy in Spain to stop him tormenting her with it.

2004-06-14 [Yuriona]: LOL! He certainly sounds like he was a fun loving man. :)

2004-06-16 [Jeesum Crowe]: I hate being the only one laughing o.o or clapping >.>

2004-06-16 [Yuriona]: When?

2004-06-16 [Jeesum Crowe]: In an audience

2004-06-16 [Yuriona]: Yeah me too. Everybody stares at you like you have a screw loose or something. o.0

2004-06-16 [Jeesum Crowe]: I know! One time it happened to me and ALL the people around me turned to look at me clapping and I went "OH, COME ON!" It was horrible o.o

2004-06-16 [Yuriona]: I think the worst time was when I was back in highschool and was performing a monologue during a comedy night. No one laughed...I was so embarrassed... 0.o

2004-06-16 [Jeesum Crowe]: Never happened to me. I ad-lib if no one's laughing. People in the play often get mad at me, but I don't care, lolol ANYWAY it is REALLY embarrassing to do stuff like that -.- and I blush so red XD

2004-06-16 [Yuriona]: Yeah...it's been a while since I've been on stage. I did much better performing in groups like our highschool concert band and jazz band. It was still nerve wracking to get up in front of all those people but when you started playing the music - what a rush! ^^

2004-06-16 [Jeesum Crowe]: I can't play an instrument. I found that I suck at every one there is.

2004-06-16 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: me neither... the only instrumetn i can play is my voice

2004-06-16 [Jeesum Crowe]: Which isn't an instrument, and nor does it get played! But I get what you're saying, and same here.

2004-06-16 [Sirfy]: are we allowed to add a place of interest/help and our names or do we send a message to Rouge?

2004-06-16 [Our Lady of Sorrow]: i dk... i just added my name to one of the lists....

2004-06-16 [Jeesum Crowe]: you just add your name

2004-06-18 [Here's where the story ends]: You can add my name.

2004-06-18 [Here's where the story ends]: I have been a self harmer, been in psychiatric hospitals and have suffered a serious breakdown. I am still in the recovery stage so I UNDERSTAND. I am good at giving advice so any of you, feel free to message me or join my wiki You are not alone ~Ask Emma~

2004-06-21 [Cathos]: Just a quick note to the nice people who humoured me last week. Thanks for being around and letting me talk. It helped. I was in my house on my own and had no one else to talk to. Thanks again. :)

2004-06-21 [Yuriona]: Anytime darlin...that's what we're here for. :D Glad to hear you're feeling better. *hugs*

2004-06-23 [Cathos]: I still just as depressed as I always am, but sometimes I can deal with it better than others. Back on top of it all now. :)

2004-06-23 [Yuriona]: That's half the battle. :D Just keep hanging on one day at a time and you'll get through it. *hugs* You can do it!

2004-06-29 [TheRogue]: Thank you all for helping this wiki grow and flourish in my absence, I am eternally grateful there are so many out there willing to help, my hats off to all of you...~Rogue

2004-06-29 [Here's where the story ends]: Humour is a key to getting better, Cathos. It is what held me together this past year. My ability to laugh. That is a key part of oneself to hold on to. =) Just thought I might add that. Blessings.

2004-06-29 [Sirfy]: speaking of battles, I hvae a battle I have been fighting for 2 years now, and I cannot win it alone.

2004-06-29 [Yuriona]: You are definitely not alone here. :)

2004-06-29 [Here's where the story ends]: Sirfy, when one has depression or any other form of mental illness, it takes time to heal all the inner wounds that have been made. Even if it taking you two years and more, you are still here, you are still "fighting", like you said in your post. That is to be applauded. If it's anything, I'm proud of you. As Yuriona said, you are never alone. At least there are some kind people here in Elftown to help others and support others,like myself. My wiki is You are not alone Blessings, Sirfy. =)

2004-06-29 [Here's where the story ends]: Hello, others. By the way.

2004-06-29 [Sirfy]: Depression has lasted for almost 6 years

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: Depression is a very unique illness...you're never really cured of it. I've been diagnosed clinically depressed on two separate occasions. All it takes is for a few things to go wrong and it all comes rushing back. Trust me...I know. The hard part is concentrating on the good things in your life rather than letting the 'bad stuff' overrule everything. Even a small light in the darkness is still a light and something to strive for.

2004-06-30 [Sirfy]: I use to have my own methods of getting rid of it, but it doesn't work anymore

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: Have you tried talking to your family doctor about it? I know it's rarely an easy thing to do but sometimes they can help. I also tried using St. John's Wort - an herbal remedy - and found that it worked for me.

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: I have to agree, Yuriona. Depression does return. However, St. John's Wort didn't work for me. I need 150 mg of anti - depressents a day. Plus 50 mg of another one and 100 mg for anxiety. The lot, you name it. However, having said that, depression tends to make you better people. More understanding and kind towards others like I am doing now. I am not over my breakdown in December, it will take about three years. I have been very ill. Psyc. units are awful. True, there is a small amount of light, Sirfy. Even when you are at your worst point, there is always some light at the end of your tunnel. However, you have to find that light and let it grow within you, so it can help you fight.

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: Yuriona made a good suggestion. Perhaps you may need medication for your depression. Some people are sceptical about the idea of medicine. However, don't be.It can help you if appropriae.Blessings, Sirfy. Hope you are well, Yruiona.

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: It's been just over a year, 1 wedding and just about 2 kids later and I'm coping. Depression is different for everyone...I went through another bout with depression last January and found that just being able to talk things through with my family doctor helped a lot. Personally I think meds should be a last resort. If you don't feel comfortable going to your doctor yet, I'm here to listen if you want to talk Sirfy...just send me a message. ^^ Depression doesn't make you stronger, learning to deal with it and overcome it does. I know you're strong Sirfy. You can get through this and I'll help as much as I can if you'll let me. You're never alone hun... *hugs*.

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: Exactly my point. Depression can lead you to be better people; hence, what Yuriona said about learning to deal with it and overcome it. Blessings, Sirfy. =)

2004-06-30 [Sheona]: I personally think that I am a better person now than I was before my depression (and various other problems). It's made me more sympathetic and stronger as a person. I had to take medication to help me cope with this, but it was a lifesaver for me. ^_^

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: Exactly, Sheona. Depression does make you stronger once you manage to get out of it. It has made me more sympathetic too. Medication helps when it is appropriate. I think mine have helped greatly. Glad it was a lifesaver for you. That's good to hear. =). Well done, Sheona. You have taken control and helped yourself. Even though I don't know you, I am proud. Well done. =). Blessings.

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: I understand that you truly wish to help [Here's where the story ends] but it appears to me (and I may be wrong here) that you are merely validating your own experiences more often than offering support or advice. We all have our own experiences with depression and though they may appear similar, depression is a very personal and unique beast to every individual who suffers from it. Let's get back to listening and supporting those in need rather than justifying our own opinons on the subject. Anyone who has survived depression is to be commended. Every day you live through is a victory...be proud of that accomplishment. It may not seem like much when every day is dark but trust me, it is a big thing.

2004-06-30 [Cati Stormweaver]: My mom would never let me take any medication, she just kept saying that i wasnt depressed and to deal with it. Even though the pycholigist was saying i should, and that i had problems, she just thought he was an idiot.

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: A lot of families find that sort of thing difficult to accept. My husband's cousin married a girl with bi-polar problems (manic depressive) that her family pretended didn't exist. She was dealing relatively well with it until she had a baby then she just went off the deep end. Now the poor thing is in and out of hospitals, hearing voices and incapable of being with her daughter. It's very sad. You should suggest getting a second opinion to your mom...if two psychologists tell her the same thing, it's much more difficult to dispute it. You could try St. John's Wort - it's an over the counter herbal remedy that can help and your mom wouldn't even have to know about it.

2004-06-30 [Pale-Suzie]: Hey, I know it's first time I write in here, but I feel like I might be able to give another perspective to the problem... if you can call depression that. I can understand how you coped with your depressions, and I wish I had done the same. In some ways I think that having a depression made me stronger, but in some ways it made me weaker to. The good thing is that I’m tougher now, at least on the outside I am, but I’ve also become that sort of person that has a very hard time relating to ppl. Not that I can't understand why they are depressed, but if I meet ppl who I feel have been thru less stuff then me, I might not be as sympathetic as I want to be.

2004-06-30 [Pale-Suzie]: It’s not that I don’t want to help, but I just have this tiny little ugly voice in my head saying ‘what is there problem?’ and I know it’s totally unfair. That’s why I know I need to work with that, before I can help anyone else. I still have some problems left to deal with. Also I guess I got over my depression in a wrong way, or at least not the way that most tell you to. I didn’t get over it by focusing on all the good things, I got over it by reminding myself that if I killed myself that would be failure, and I hate to fail. If there’s one thing I fear it’s to fail.

2004-06-30 [Pale-Suzie]: Basically I wanted to live, I wanted to live so I could show all those ppl who had told me I would never make it, just how wrong they where. It’s still one of the things that drive me on the most, an ugly need for revenge. I don’t know what kind of person I would have been today, had I not found ppl who where really worth living for. Right when I was the most sure that the world had failed me, and that the only reason I had to live was to show ppl how very wrongly they had treated me, I found ppl worth living for. And I’m so thankful. But it’s still always in the back of my mind, I have a hard time trusting ppl, because they never noticed when I was down, how could I trust them?

2004-06-30 [Pale-Suzie]: And I have a hard time relating to ppl… I would love to sign my name on that list, and help other ppl who feel like me, but with the problems I still have, I don’t think I’m any use to anyone.

2004-06-30 [Jeesum Crowe]: Well, first off I think you should share the same sympathy for all people with a problem, considering because they haven't gone through as much as you this might be to them what everything was to you, and plus, there's always someone out there worse off than you, so to other people you are the person with less problems that they can't understand. You should just be equally understanding with larger problems as little ones. And when I was down and cutting myself I wore this big, black sweater so no one could see and somehow, someway I don't even understand, I managed to be the same person I always was around people: sarcastic, manipulative, humorous, caring, and no one even knew...

2004-06-30 [Jeesum Crowe]: ... in the slightest what I had been feeling or going through, not even my own family. So just because they don't notice doesn't mean that they weren't worried, they wouldn't be worried, or that they don't care. And if you think you can help other people feel better, or if you can try to help other people feel better, I don't see how there's a better reason to put your name on that list and do it. If you feel uncomfortable later, I'm sure no one would be mad if you took it back off again.

2004-06-30 [Jeesum Crowe]: And I think everyone here still has problems, I know I do. I still cry at night, I still think about cutting myself, I still cry in the shower, but the whole point is that I'm better, that I'm happy to be here with the people I'm here with, and I'm happy to know that I can be here tomorrow, too. I think that's really the point, when you're happy that you're alive right now.

2004-06-30 [Pale-Suzie]: I'm glad for you you got better, and i really didn't want to offend anybody, i was just telling how i felt, and why i feel so incompetent everytime i try to help. i know there's ppl far worse of then me, and that i'm lucky i have so few problems now. i know that my family and friends did care, but that can't help me from being a little bitter. man i sound like a spoiled kid, sorry about that.

2004-06-30 [Jeesum Crowe]: lol, no. I feel like that all the time. I always think I'm too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too overdone, too... anything, you name it and I'll tell you I'm too much of it. A lot of the time when I give advice, I think it's stupid, but I give it because I know sometimes people come back and thank me and that just shows me that I can help people, so I'm going to try to. I think you'd find the same thing, but honestly, it's really your choice.

2004-06-30 [Pale-Suzie]: yeah, i really want to help, and i've been thinking about it sometime, just haven't had the courage to write in here. and in a way i feel i still need to work out somethings before i can help anybody. the thing about feeling to much of everything... i feel like that to. you can't help it, that's just the way it works. but i'm kinda afraid that if i tried helping someone, i would just make it worse.

2004-06-30 [Jeesum Crowe]: I don't think you ever can. Just the fact of being payed attention to helps a lot of people. So you could tell them to up one in French and then put some bit of horrible advice and maybe they won't take it, but they'll know someone cares that they're alive and they stay that way.

2004-06-30 [Pale-Suzie]: yeah, i guess so.... that that's really what everubody needs. hm, that could be fun, but i sadly don't speak french... how about german? :P just joking.

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: LOL! Don't worry...I'm 30, happily married with 1 beautiful daughter and a new baby due in a couple of weeks but I still think I'm not as good as everyone else seems to be. There are nights I still cry because I think I'm incompetent or just no good. Sometimes it's just so much easier to revel in what I perceive as the bad things about me rather than think of all the good I've done and acheived in my life. Jeesum's right though...no matter how rough it may seem to you, there's always someone out there who has it worse. When you realise that, it's much simpler to accept what good you do have in your life rather than dwelling on the bad. Well said Jeesum. :D

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: Right again Jeesum. Just knowing someone stopped long enough to try and help does an amazing amount of good!

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: Of course it is a big thing, Yuriona. No, I am not too focused on my individual problems and issues. Sometimes it is reasurring to know that others are going through what you are going through, hence, that is why I put a bit about what I have been through. Again, yes, anyone who has got through their depression IS to be commended! It's a big struggle and if someone can overcome it, that shows strength. Even if people think they can not over come it, they can. There is always a little light at the end of the tunnel. =). Yuriona, I have to agree with your point about depression being very unique for different people under different circumstances. I am merely here to guide and support others

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: .... others, who are suffering. I am here to tell others that they are never alone and they don't have to fight it alone. I try to reinforce as much positive thoughts as possible. So, your assumption was wrong, Yuriona. I am merely here to aid others. =). Hope you are well. New baby due in a few weeks?! Congratulations! Do you know if it is a boy or a girl yet? No, Yuriona. You are not incompetent. You have raised a beautiful child as you said and you are happily married. You have succeeded. =).

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: Try St. Johns Wart, Sindenis. Sometimes families don't want to deal with depression. Perhaps it hurts them too much, so they automatically shut off the idea in their mind. However, don't give up hope. There are other solutions. Things to relax you, like St. John's Wort. Lot's of people I know take it and it helps. So, don't despair. =). True, Jeesum, I think everyone here has their own difficulties and struggles. Like you recently wrote, you still cry in the shower. However, the main point is that you are STILL here and you are winning against your depression/difficulties. If anything, you inspire others. =) Hope you are well. Hope you are well too, Yuriona. Again, congratulations for

2004-06-30 [Paul Doyle]: Brief update regarding my mom: one year memorial service this morning, then a visit to the cemetary, where I had not been since she was buried. Part of me is healed now, I'm happy to say :)

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: ..the pregnancy! The main point that I personally try to get across is that there is ALWAYS a way out of each indiviuals' difficulties. Hence, that is why I am posting it here. There is always light, people just need to be aided to find the right path to get back to the road of recovery. The fact that people listen can help a great deal. Even a little smile can brighten up someones day. So, my main message is to not despair, however hard it may be. We are all fighters and anyone who has depression CAN succeed and overcome it. Be stronger than their illness. I don't know you well, Yuriona. However, from what I know, you saw the light. You too are an inspiration. Blessings.

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: Pretty sure it's a girl. As for the incompentant thing...sometimes even the living proof that is my daughter isn't enough to convince me. It's very easy to slip back into the old depression...anyone who has suffered from it knows that. It's one of those nasties you're never really cured of but something you learn to live with. Even my husband doesn't understand why I'm so hard on myself but it isn't something I can explain or get rid of. It's something I feel deep inside and after so many years, it's a part of me. Telling someone you're there and that you care is good but so is listening. A few words of encouragement go a long way but a sympathetic ear reinforces all encouragement.

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: Yes, true. That is what bugs me about depression. One usually has relapses and it is a constant battle. Unlike having a broken leg and managing to mend it, internal scars are deeper and far more difficult to get rid of or, heal. You are hard on yourself because that is the way your mind has been programmed to think after having the depression. Learning to deal with it and return to normal life, I think, is the hardest part. Many feel so lost, they don't know where to start. Depression usually comes with low self acceptance and low self image. People who just say that they are there for people who are suffering can make a big difference. I try to tell others some cognitive ways of approaching

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: ...their depression if one has a relapse. For instance, you mentioned that sometimes your daughter isn't enough to convince you... if you feel like that again, just remember how you were when you were in that black hole, not able to see the light compared to how you are now. You are going to have two daughters, you have a husband that loves you and YOU did that. Sure, others helped you on the way, but YOU did it. Sometimes when people mail me completely lost, not even knowing where their depression comes from, I ask them to write journals. Writing can aid depression as does therapy. I believe that everyone has the right to happiness. Everyone is unique in their own way. Merely saying ..

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: ..."I care" or reinforcing positive thoughts into their minds can help a great deal. My depression is still awful. So is my paranoia and psychosis. But, I am STILL here so that shows I can beat this. Same applies for anyone else. If I get negative thoughts, I try my hardest toignore them, which basically is telling the negative part of me to piss off. I just find it sad that so many people are suffering and not getting help. That is the main reason why I am here for others. Congrats on your girl, Yuriona! =)

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: Well that was certainly a mouthful. Perhaps we should start up a forum for such intellectual discussions rather than clutter up the comment bin of this wiki. I'm sure that folks who come here looking for a sympathetic ear might get frightened off by such a clinical description. Oh and please keep your diagnoses to yourself...at least in my case. I'm already far too aware of the basis of my depression without having someone spell it out for me.

2004-06-30 [Paul Doyle]: Hey, [Yuriona] . . . congratulations on a beautiful pregnancy and continued good health :)

2004-06-30 [Here's where the story ends]: Point taken, [Yuriona]. I am more aware of how this wiki works, will keep my diagnosis to myself. Cheers, again. Again congratulations on the pregnancy. ;)

2004-06-30 [Yuriona]: Thanks...though honestly I am quite tired of the pregnancy and am more than ready for the baby now. LOL!

2004-07-01 [Here's where the story ends]: Hehe. How many months are you, again? I know, pregnancy is hard work apparently. What does it feel like when it kicks? I've always wanted to know... Lol.

2004-07-01 [Yuriona]: 9 months. Due date is July 18 though the hubby thinks it may be sooner.

2004-07-01 [Here's where the story ends]: God, that is soon. I thought you were about seven months. Have no idea why I assumed that... ugh, I know it is hard work towards the end of the pregnancy. No wonder you just want to have the baby now, Lol.

2004-07-01 [Sirfy]: slight update: I talked with my cousin about my depression. It was the first time I ever really spoken to anyone else other than myself about my actual problems and the story behind it. (this was lastnight) I am felling better today :D But I still fear, even when I am over this, that if me and my bf (the one im semi-engaged to Yuriona) break-up...that it might come crashing down twice as hard. My depression can cause me to say things that I don't mean, and it causes slight trouble in my relationship. I am trying what I can without the use of money to help this so that doesn't happen. Hearing the support of you guys also made me feel better :)

2004-07-01 [Sirfy]: And I will start looking at my depression as making me stronger and a better person :) How I got rid of it before, was by meditation...c;earing my mind of all troubles and worries. It only worked twice, and now, no matter how hard I try, I can't clear my mind. This winter when I meet my cousin, I'm going to do a "pair meditation" with him :) (he has problems meditating as well) So I'm hoping by the time I return to school on my second semester (senior I might add) things will be better for the clashing of the graduation depression.